The open hand

One version of success is all about leverage. You find the pressure point, squeeze, and take as much as the other side can’t stop you from taking. In a narrow way, it works. You can win a lot of negotiations like that.

I’d rather work another way, and not only because it’s kinder. I think it’s stronger.

Fair dealing

The principle I try to hold to is simple: deal fairly, with an open hand. Extend respect to people even when you could choose not to, including when you hold the stronger position and nobody would blame you for pressing the advantage.

That last condition is the important one. Being fair when you have to be isn’t a principle. It’s just compliance. The test is what you do when the choice is actually yours.

Nobody stands in your way. That isn’t because nobody can stop you. It’s because nobody wants to.

Why it’s more powerful

Dominance makes enemies with long memories. Every deal you win by squeezing leaves behind a relationship that’s waiting for its chance to square things up. Over a career that adds up to a lot of people quietly hoping you fail, especially in small industries where everyone knows everyone.

The open hand builds the opposite. People who’ve been treated fairly come back. They introduce you to others. They give you the benefit of the doubt when things go wrong, and things always go wrong eventually. Over time your path ends up clear. Nobody was forced aside. People simply stepped out of the way, and some of them walked with you.

What it isn’t

An open hand isn’t a soft one. Fair dealing still means knowing your worth, saying no, and holding a line when it matters. It means being clear about what you want and honest about what you’ll give. Studying law taught me how much of a deal lives in the details, and that’s where fairness lives too: in terms that don’t hide anything, and in promises you can actually keep.

• Say what you mean, early.
• Don’t take what the other side hasn’t noticed they’re giving away.
• Leave the other party better off for having dealt with you, even when you won.

Sometimes it’s slower. I’ve never regretted it.